Résumé

(15+ years experience in Linux/BSD server administration, network security, virtualization, mail systems, and automated infrastructure. Self-hosted architecture specialist with strong incident response and reliability engineering background. Passion for bare-metal performance, data integrity, and reducing cloud dependency. For a technical version of my experience (and a sense of humor), see below.)

Objective

To continue yelling at computers until they obey, preferably with fewer coffee spills and fewer “have you tried rebooting it?” emails. Also open to side projects involving large quantities of wire, existential dread, and restoring backups that were “definitely running last night.”

Experience

Senior Systems Administrator, xodice.org (2014 – Present)

  • Keep servers alive through sheer spite and the power of zstd compression.
  • Write backup scripts that both compress data and compress my will to live.
  • Hardened Exim so thoroughly that spammers now send apology emails.
  • Once debugged an SMTP queue using only caffeine and despair.
  • Respond to alerts at 3 AM with the precision of a raccoon opening a trash can.
  • Coined the internal motto: If it broke at 2 AM, it will break again at 3.

Infrastructure Whisperer, The Rack Next Door (2009 – 2014)

  • Automated everything except my sleep schedule.
  • Created firewall rules so perfect they became sentient and blocked HR.
  • Implemented “maintenance windows” that never ended, but in a good way.
  • Wrote systemd units with more personality than most coworkers.

Skills

  • Fluent in bash, awk, and colorful language.
  • Experienced with Debian, Exim, WireGuard, Nginx, haunted cron jobs, and emotional damage.
  • Can restore a crashed VM faster than a developer can say “oops.”
  • Knows what every process in ps aux does, even the ones that do not.
  • Physically incapable of typing tar without a --xz.
  • Maintains a beard that doubles as an entropy source.
  • Can smell a custodial wallet from a datacenter away.

Education

  • School of Hard Reboots – Graduated top of the core dump.
  • Minor in Sarcastic Documentation – “RTFM, then call me.”
  • Honorary PhD in Stack Overflow Browsing

Certifications

  • Certified Coffee Rebooter
  • Level 9 Log Reader (with journalctl specialization)
  • Bash-fu Black Belt (pending review by the Shell Council)
  • Official BOFH Apprentice, class of 2007

Notable Achievements

  • Implemented “backup rotation” long before it was cool or functional.
  • Successfully avoided Kubernetes since 2018.
  • Once convinced management that uptime is a personality trait.
  • Redirected a CEO’s email to /dev/null and called it a feature.
  • Made an intern cry and thank me in the same commit review.

References

  • /var/log/syslog (knows all, tells most)
  • The coffee pot (may be biased)
  • That one UPS that refuses to die

Personal Statement

I believe every system has a soul, and most of them are screaming. If you need an admin who documents his work in cryptic haiku and still uses vi like it is 1999, you have found him. Also available for weddings, funerals, and kernel panics.

Fun Fact

This résumé was written during an uptime crisis, on zero caffeine, while rsync whispered sweet nothings about I/O errors.

Last updated during a reboot window that definitely was not my fault.